What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
