If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
