i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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