people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
