Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
