Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize