And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize