you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
