walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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