Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also, beer. Big fan.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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