Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
