I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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