All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Enjoy the penises
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
