I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
