If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
