Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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