So drunk its hurt
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
