y did u give ur computer a hand job?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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