dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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