Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
