some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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