why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
