I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
