I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
