FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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