I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
