Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
