You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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