Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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