Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
