It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
