I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love you.
Bad choice
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