It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want nice things and good sex
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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