she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
