so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
