There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
