Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
