I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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