I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
