At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
