i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
