I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
