I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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