I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
wow bdsm is so cute
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
