he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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