I am spending my child support on dildos
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
