He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
