I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
