Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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