I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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