One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
