soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
