garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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