I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
