I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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