It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
