True but thats because hes a fetus.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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