real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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