It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
