I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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