I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
