he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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