I think I died a long time ago.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
