i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
