R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
