when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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