CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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