Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
