I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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