i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
