Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
