no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
and you fell through a lawn chair
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
