what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Help. Why am I so naked?
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