I'd wear matching sweaters with you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize