i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
