...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cut my penus on the lid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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