My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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